Some Autistics are great at reading emotion in nonverbal body language, while others may struggle.
Have you ever wondered about the nonverbal communication that allistics use? Have you ever tried to mimic it and found that it didn't quite work? If you want to build your nonverbal body language and emotion-reading skills, give this guide a try!
I found this wonderful post by Creative Prompts for Writing on Tumblr and realized that her instructions for writers could be pretty helpful for Autistics too.
Note: how people talk nonverbally can differ a lot person-to-person. Depending on someone's culture, nationality, location, etc, different actions can mean wildly different things. Please read more resources on this topic for a better understanding.
Now with that said, let’s dive right in!
Compassion
gentle and soft smile
A "real smile" rather than a fake smile. A real smile will involve fondness in the eyes.
relaxed facial features
softening of their eyes
openly showing how they feel
Relaxed shoulders, reaching out to touch the other person affectionately e.g. a hand on the arm or shoulder, or reaching out to hug someone.
leaning towards the other person
nodding along, not directly interjecting, but encouraging
deep breaths in between speaking
This usually indicates that someone is relaxed in general.
gentle touches to comfort
Pleased
big smile/grinning
laying head slightly to the side
moving one shoulder up
very open body language
Big, elaborate gestures. This can also mean that they're very comfortable, meaning that they will physically take up more space, e.g. sitting with legs open. They won't seem guarded, which is when a person seems to almost shrink in how much room they take up.
leaning back
Fondness
smiling with their mouth and their eyes
softening their features
cannot keep their eyes off of the object of their fondness
This can also be confused for just paying attention, or being polite.
reaching out, wanting to touch them frequently
This depends on the person and how physical they generally are.
Excitement
jumping up and down
This would mostly be seen in children.
not being able to stand still
clapping their hands
A single clap before you do something, like "Yes let's do it!" Accompanied by a smile.
bright eyes
grinning
squealing
giggling
This could also be embarrassment, along with having a flushed face.
flushed face
bouncing
dilated pupils
tapping their foot
This is usually boredom unless they're tapping their foot along with something, like music.
Flustered
blushing
looking down
nervous smile
sharp intake of breath
quickening of breath
blinking rapidly
not being able to maintain eye contact
trying to busy their hands
playing with their hair
fidgeting with their fingers
opening mouth without speaking
Relief
exhaling deeply
tension in their face going away
Tension in the face is usually a clenched jaw, their eyes might look more hard than kind, or like their face is more stiff in general. So tension going away looks like the opposite of those things: a loose jaw with the mouth still closed, their eyes look welcoming, and their face is more flexible.
closing eyes for a moment
tentative smile
eyes brightening up
small giddy laughter
putting hand on their chest
joyfully tearing up
looking up
Desire
gaze dropping down to the other’s lips
This is usually a sign that the person wants to kiss the other person. However, it's best not to make broad assumptions-- sometimes people don't hear very well and they're just reading lips.
opening mouth slightly
small smile around the eyes
When someone is smiling "with their eyes" or "around the eyes" there will be more lines, more crinkling of the skin, than if they had a fake smile.
eyes widening
pupils dilating
biting lower lip
following them with their eyes
inhaling deeply
licking lips
Confidence
prolonged eye contact
"Strong" eye contact that doesn't break often. Good for interviews.
nodding to show they are listening
putting their shoulders back
Imagine a straight line from your tailbone up out the top of your head, and then try to align your shoulders with that line. That's what "putting your shoulders back" means. You can also stand with your back against a wall to understand this better.
holding head high
leaning forward
Very slightly, with interest. Not hunched.
standing tall
smiling openly
Encouraging smile. Imagine the smile you would have on your face when a younger family member successfully does something. This is an "open smile."
Happiness
big smile
This is a "smile that reaches your eyes." You should feel the skin around your eyes crinkling.
eyes going wide
corners of the mouth going up
showing teeth when you smile
squealing
speaking rapidly
This is frequently the sign of someone being so excited or happy that they can't talk at a normal pace
laugh lines appearing
smiling
being animated
direct eye contact
Surprise
raised eyebrows
This also works for doubt. When someone isn't sure of something someone else said, they might raise their eyebrows in surprise or doubt. However with doubt they would likely have their mouth closed.
jaw going slack
open mouth
eyes widening
gasp
Tiredness
closing eyes
slowly opening them again
long sighs
yawning
no eye contact
Frequently someone who's tired may look at the floor or off in the distance
head lolling to the side
closed mouth, neither smile nor scowl
not moving a lot
doing everything slower
Insecurity
not holding, or breaking, eye contact
fidgeting
crossing their arms
May also be a sign of hostility. But insecurity can manifest in a lot of different ways.
trying to cover up their body
making themself seem smaller
playing with their hands
hiding their hands in their pockets
holding their head down
blushing
clearing their throat
biting their nails
biting their lips
nervous laughter
stuttering
Frustration
groaning
rolling eyes
throwing arms in the air
pacing up and down
huffing
tapping your foot
Usually, someone tapping may be a sign that they want something or someone to hurry up.
tapping your fingers
crossing your arms
checking watch
Annoyance
slightly shaking their head
rolling their eyes
looking to the side
closing their eyes for a moment
sighing
taking a deep breath
clucking their tongue
huffing
crossing their arms in front of their chest
This is usually paired with an "annoyed" look on their face. This may mean their mouth is a thin line, and they may look almost disgusted.
tapping their foot
Boredom
biting nails
leg bouncing
sighing
playing with everything close by
twiddling your thumbs
spinning around
grumbling
staring into the distance
propping your head on your hand
Anger
clenching their fists
pressing their lips together
breathing loudly through their nose
eyes getting smaller
clenching their jaw
looking away to calm themselves
speaking with clenched teeth
whole body is tense
yelling or screaming
stomping
moving around a lot, can’t keeping still
frown wrinkles on their forehead
non-stop talking, ranting
shaking their head
throwing their arms in the air
carefully pronouncing all words
Offended
stiffening up
hard line around the lips
frozen stare
narrowing of the eyes
turning their head to the side
turning red
making themself bigger, ready to fight
smiling in disbelief
Grief
a vacant look
slack facial expressions
shaky hands
trembling lips
swallowing
struggling to breathe
tears rolling down their cheeks
Envy
narrowing their eyes
rolling their eyes
raising their eyebrows
grinding their teeth
tightening jaw
chin poking out
forced smiling
crossing arms
shifting their gaze
clenching their fists
tensing their muscles
swallowing hard
stiffening
holding their breath
blinking rapidly
exhaling sharply
Shame
vacant stare
looking down
turning their head away
cannot look at another person
putting their head into their hands
shaking their head
Sadness
shoulders slumped
looking down
turning head away
frowning
slow movements
corners of the mouth going downwards
quivering lips
eyes filled with tears
crying
breathing fitfully
Disgust
wrinkled nose
gagging
eyes narrowing
no eye contact
upper lip pulled up
This means that they're almost scowling, their mouth is open, and they have a mixed look of shock and disgust on their face.
Fear
wide eyes
shaking
open mouth
heavy breathing
cold and clammy hands
clenched hands
tensing up
eyesbrows going together
trying to look for an exit
Final thoughts
Everyone will display emotions differently, and it's as much about getting to know the person as it is about learning the skill.
Got a question about emotion or nonverbal communication? Let us know in the comments!
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